Son's Memories

I was fortunate enough to know the many sides of Malony Shrivastava.  She was a caring and fun mother, a strong and loving wife, an affectionate friend, a playful Nani, a memorable teacher, a decisive manager, a responsible daughter, and a truly amazing and tender person. 

I value diversity and being well-rounded because of her.  She had the amazing ability to relate to all types and ages of people.  She was a very cultured person as well, supporting Surabhi and I in dance and art and taking a keen interest in performances. Throughout her community of friends she was known to be someone who supported everyone’s talents.  She truly felt alive while dancing, sowing, cooking, decorating, or even watching others perform.  

She also taught us the meaning of respect and duty.  Even though she left India many years ago she was very aware of her responsibilities as the eldest child of her house and oldest bahu of her husband’s family.  She made it a point to educate Surabhi and I on the duties that we have by being a part of this family, and that was the theme of many discussions with Rashmi as well. She loved her friends, and respected her elders very much – something that she’s worked hard to teach me. 

She was very responsible for herself and her family.  When she was first diagnosed many years ago, she made self-education very important – she was always reading books and listening to CDs that would help her in her fight.  She always taught us to think positive, take charge, to be in command of the things that matter: whether it be her health, our education, or my wedding.  Trust me, there was never any time for complacency when confronted with  boundless energy and spirit. 

She was a great listener and very honest with everyone, which is one of the reasons there are so many of you here today with a special story or memory of her kindness and spirit.  Over the past few days Rashmi, Surabhi and I truly came to realize how profound an impact she made on those she encountered. 

She was a role model.  For her family, for her friends, for those who only met her a few times.  She will be missed by those young and old.  We were fortunate to be around her and to care for her and to love her.  We were blessed to learn from her, to laugh with her, and to celebrate with her.  I speak not only for her family but all of her friends as well, when I say: Even though there will never again be anyone like you we will try our best to live our lives the way you taught us.  I love you, and we all love you.

Friend's Memories (Pradeep Khare)

It is an honour to be asked to say a few words about a departed soul who has had such a profound influence in so many peoples’ lives. Although Malony’s life was severely shortened by an unfortunate illness, she has made a memorable impact that will leave her legacy for the future generations. She was an amazing individual: full of life, full of vigour, full of energy, full of enthusiasm and full of happiness that she contagiously spread around to everyone. 

Malony was an individual who was passionate about life. She lived for the moment. She had full control of those moments. She chose her moment to enjoy, she chose her moment to party, she chose her moment to organize other peoples’ lives and most importantly friends (pause), she chose her moment to depart from our lives. How else can you explain that she did everything for Saurabh and Rashmi’s wedding to the last moment when she danced for 2 hours at the reception in Toronto in late December, came home to Vancouver and started to deteriorate in early January, how else can you explain that her last breath was taken at the Paap Vimochani Ekadashi, one of the holiest moments in the Hindu calendar during the Meena Nakshatra which is her birth Rashi. How else can you explain that she spent more than an hour with her family members before saying the eternal good bye, how else can you explain that after not being able to swallow for a long time she sipped and took in the Maha Mritunjai Ganga Jal from Praveen and heard the last words “Jai Gurudev” from Maharishi. All these cannot be coincidences. She was in full control and she chose this moment. 

Malony was many things to many people 

Firstly, Malony personified inspiration. She encouraged everyone, particularly the younger generation to reach their full potential. She truly believed in the philosophy which says “obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal”. No hurdle could dampen her spirit to reach her goal and her words provided uplifting and soothing comfort in the gloomiest of moments. Her TV interview with Anand Atal during her battle with cancer stimulated hope and instilled courage in the hearts of thousands of audiences.  

Secondly Malony was an icon dignity and grace. By every measure her appearance at an event infused life into the occasion. Everyone was anxious to see what Malony was going to wear for an occasion. She planned an event to the last detain and exhibited class in every step of the way. I am sure that Anjali, Mini, Nikhil, Ami, Aarti, Alka, Sharad and Tina will testify to that as she planned their weddings, showers, in some cases kid’s birthdays. Even during her bout with cancer over the past six years, she conducted herself with no sign of sorrow or pain. As an example, Praveen, Malony, Saurabh and Surabhi visited us in Toronto a year ago in December. When Malony found out that we had planned a New Year ’s Eve party, she immediately took charge and started directing Chitra, Surabhi, Saurabh, Nitin and even Daisy, who she had just met in carrying out their assigned tasks and interestingly enough, Daisy seemed to enjoy it- something only Malony could do! The menu was totally modified, the event was turned around and we ended up with an excellent party. Everyone in this room knows her talents in organizing the New Year eve parties and annual Akhand Ramayan were unmatched. She was the only one who could set Kailash Gupta straight when he got out of line and politically incorrect with his remarks and again that’s the only time I have seen Kailash speechless. 

Thirdly Malony radiated enthusiasm and energy to her many friends around her. Her unique style and positive attitude imparted happiness and excitement everywhere. Her sense of humor and her incredible laugh made it a joy to be in her company. Suresh and Nimmi, Chitra and I, Ravi and Shobha, Asha and several others met Malony, Praveen and Saurabh for the first time in the early eighties at the VHP picnic at Whytecliff Park when she was carrying Surabhi. Since then the bond has become stronger with the passing of each day and we continue to cherish each moment. 

Fourthly, Malony’s abilities to converse are well known amongst all her friends. Could she ever talk…. And talk…. And talk. Her all night conversations with Chitra every time they met are well documented. Even Madhu and Gayatri were partners and accomplices in this crime in Victoria when they chatted about anything and everything till the crack of dawn while all of us men snored heavily. Once during such all night chat, both families stayed up while Malony affectionately but firmly laid out her expectations to Nitin and Saurabh of their future Bahus. Ability to make Chaklis, cook good Indian food and arranging their wardrobes were the minimums. 

Fifthly Malony’s affection was unparalleled. She was a wonderful mother and lately a mother-in-law, a perfect wife, an amazing friend and the favorite aunty to all the younger generation. She was selfless and always thinking of others. She has brought up two lovely kids in Saurabh and Surabhi and a daughter-in-law Rashmi and has even straightened out Praveen. 

And finally my friends… above all Malony loved life. She lived her life to the fullest encouraging everyone to come along with her. No obstacle was big enough to curtail her desires in living a full and busy life. During her final years, she demonstrated extraordinary courage and incredible strength setting an example and becoming a role model for all of us. She was affectionate, courageous, energetic, joyful, graceful, and a privilege to know.  

As we all know, Malony was diagnosed with cancer during Diwali of 2000, just over 6 years ago. She fought the battle for six years with courage and dignity crossing the six dwars or six gates of the Chakravyu that was created for her. It was the seventh gate, just like Abimanyu in Mahabharat that was the hardest to cross and where she lost the battle. However, Just like Abhmanyu she may have lost the battle but she has definitely won the war, she has won the Mahabharat through the legacy that she leaves for us to follow, through the inspiration that she infused in all of us, through the charm and courage she displayed during her final six years. She has left some unfinished business for us to complete and I throw a challenge to all of you family and friends to follow her legacy, to follow her teachings. 

So, friends and family, this is a day full of sorrow for us because we will miss the company of such an extraordinary person who made a memorable impact in so many people’s lives. However, her life is the perfect example for inspiration and admiration. I can assure you that Malony would have wanted us to celebrate her life and toast her accomplishments. She wouldn’t want it any other way. According to our scriptures her atma has now departed to a 430 day journey to the next destination and this journey will be a lot smoother if we all collectively prayed for her, celebrated her accomplishments and nurtured her legacy. We all saw her as she rests in her final bed in full peace and tranquility as she makes this journey.

Husband's Memories

Malony… what can I tell you? She has touched all of us in a very special way.  It was a special privilege to have her as a life partner. Her sense of propriety, determination, and resolve were unmatched.  No challenge was too much for her.  All adversities were simply there to be overcome.  The word “impossible” was not in her dictionary. She did everything with full conviction and lived life to the fullest. Running a daycare, catering parties of 100 or more guests, and interior decoration were all her hobbies, Yet she gave each project her 110%.

She had children under the age of 4 not wanting to leave her house at the end of the day when their parents came to pick them up.  She arranged food for a meeting where 70 people showed up, though only 14 had sent RSVPs, and all were fed by the end of the meeting. She was extremely concerned with our culture an spiritual heritage.  Teaching Hindi was as important as doing Pujas in the right way.  Even priests were corrected on occasions. She believed in learning and was an avid Internet surfer.  When she was hit with news of cancer seven years ago, her first reaction was to learn all she could about the disease. Within a few months she knew more than many experts in the field.  She went on to understand conventional and alternative cancer therapies, and Malony decided to deal with the challenge head on and fight it.  She lived life to the fullest and on her own terms. .

How else can you explain the vitality and joy in these photographs, which were taken only three and five months ago?  She looks like a picture of pure health.  Malony was dancing for hours at a time, arranging her son’s wedding, and leading the Baraat procession less than six months ago in Jaipur, India.  Malony’s positive thinking was infectious and touched everybody.  Her zest for life was something admired and emulated by all who met her.  She had an eye for meticulous detail and made sure that everybody around her was doing things properly.  The way she lived and the way she defied all odds on the cancer is truly an inspiration and I am sure that many people can benefit from her resolve.  A few days ago, she asked me to put some funds aside for her exclusive use.  This request surprised me, coming from a woman who never discussed money.  Still, I told her that during the coming year, I would put aside a sum of money at her disposal.  Yet she left us all suddenly without any further instructions. All at once, it became crystal clear to me what she had in mind.  She wanted us to continue her work.  So we have decided to create a “Malony Shrivastava Memorial Foundation” and I am pledging $100,000 to this Foundation. We need everybody’s help and support to make the Foundation a success and to carry on Malony’s vision and spirit. Currently, we are actively recruiting volunteers for the Foundation. We need to spread the strength that Malony has shown us.  Even if we show her interview tapes just once to cancer sufferers, we may change their lives, and we will have done something worthwhile.

When I married her I gave her a song. I had never sang anything in my life. Cleverly one day, she convinced me to sing that song in public. I don’t think that I can sing it today, Malony, but I will say it:

This chapter is just beginning. Let’s make Malony larger than life as she truly was. Malony, I love you.